imagination

Hey,

I believe in imagination. Believe in it as the greatest force in the universe. It is my definition and understanding of God. I am not religious. Well at least not a believer in a traditional religion. I believe in imagination. In the past I have thought, "I know God doesn't exist but my life is better on the days when I chose to believe he does." When wrestling with this idea of atheism or agnosticism I started asking myself the question if God created the universe - then where was god before the universe was created. Technically, no universe there is nowhere for God to be. And if it all started with the big bang theory, well there had to be something to 'bang' - where did those things come from? While thinking about it - I realized that there was nothing. There was a dark, dark, enormous amount of nothing. And then there was a strong desire for something. That desire for something created something. Whether it was a particle to bang into something or God to envision all of this, it was nothing and then there was something. That is when I realized Imagination is god. Imagination is the only thing that has the power to create something from nothing. I believe in imagination.

I believe in it. And the theater is my church.

I have been going through a transitional period the last year or so. A lot of great things have come out of that. Actually, one great thing: The Farm Theater. I am immensely proud of what that company has been doing, the artists we are working with, and the community it is building.  I may talk about that more here or not. I don't know.

I do know that the transition has been inspired by a decade of being part of a theater company that preaches supporting one another and the self generation of work. The Labyrinth Theater Company. I found that home over ten years ago when a friend invited me to work on a project. It is what I needed at the time. Last year I stepped away from the deep engagement with that community. I'm still a member of the company but I stepped away because they were no longer investing in members. The values had shifted. And I couldn't invest all of my time there - the return on investment was not was not equal to the time and energy I was putting it. At least not in a way that was feeding me. I don't know where I would have gone ten years ago if it had not been for this community. I had stopped pursuing regional theater work. Not because I didn't like regional theater work. I loved it. I loved it too much actually. I would attach myself to a community. I would invest in the audience as well as the artists. And then the play would open, and I would leave.

After a few intense years of working regionally I committed myself to working in New York. I was fortunate in that I was able to book a few Off-Broadway directing jobs at companies that had been goals of mine to work with since moving to New York. The plays were good. The productions all fine. However, I didn't love the process. Or the purpose of doing the work. It seemed to be part of a five show (sometimes more) season machine. I'm grateful that these theaters committed to the work - but there wasn't a passion for the development and discovery of the play which is what engaged me artistically. Now, years later, I realize that I wasn't demanding that of others and myself as an artist. I do have a stronger sense of myself  and can maintain that sense of passion for the individual project. I can infuse it to collaborators and shape the experience in a unique and focused way.

However, what I learned through those project that I love discovery. Discovery of new plays, new voices, new ways of seeing things. I love working with experienced and emerging artists. My joy resides in the discovery of what is new. When we know how a play works or how to get to some result - it is no longer exciting. I don't have to do that - we know that already.  I am not saying that I am constantly rediscovering the wheel through the process of creating a play, however, I love and am alive in the discovery of what is unique about the journey this wheel is going to take us on. Or the world of this particular wheel.

I also am inspired by others' discoveries. Discovering their talents, their stories, their possibilities. That excites me. I'm writing today for me because I am seriously considering what is next. I hope to build The Farm Theater into something that is able to sustain me professionally and serve a large community of artists.

In the meantime, how do I build a life that is sustained through the work I love?

I am fortunate. I get paid to teach, direct, write, and have had a film or two produced. But like many artists - not paid enough. I want to keep growing and building a foundation under me in order to feel secure while moving forward. I'm wondering today what that foundation is. I know that creating theater is part of it. I know that because, without being dramatic, I would die without doing it. That reality is clear. It is true. I had lunch with a friend yesterday and when I repeated that statement he said, "that is a good thing to know."

There is a saying a lot of experienced artists give to people considering going into theater as a career which is something like, 'if you can do anything else, do it.' I think this is not exactly accurate -  I know many theater artists that can do many things well. People should say, "if you can't live without it, do it."  While questioning myself regarding what would I do if I couldn't do theater - the only way I could address this was to ask, what would I do if theater hadn't been invented? That lasted about two minutes and then in my head I came up with - I would invent it.  So, that's a little stubborn and telling.

But imagination would have it no other way. Imagination is incredibly powerful. It can create something out of nothing. In the meantime I will imagine what that foundation looks like and will set forth on the path of creating that.

Talk with you soon.

Padraic